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Monday, October 31, 2011
Been a long time since I last posted anything yeah o.o
Yesterday was simply awesome and I keep replaying what happened over and over again (: AWESOME ;DD
Yesterday was simply awesome and I keep replaying what happened over and over again (: AWESOME ;DD
I'm afraid my current impression of ____ may wear off, and I may suddenly be angered by it once again, but ohwells, shall busk in the present (:
I think my hopes of going for this event are pretty much screwed and non-existent pfft .__.
Sec 4 farewell this Thurs :/
Dinner now, tata~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 8:03 PM
Friday, October 21, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Oh my goodness I can't stand it whenever a nice day is ruined by someone .__. I mean, if you don't even know what's going on because you don't bother to ask, then quit assuming that everything I do is all wrong.
Today was kinda screwed though, so I guess what just happened simply amplified my annoyance at everything today .__.
Thanks yeah, appreciate your help for angering me loads.
Whenever people just assume the worst of me I'll feel this sudden urge to talk back. But of course, some people never see reason and doing so will probably make things worse .__. So nonetheless, I simply shut up and let them piss me off even if that's stressing me up every other moment.
I'm sick of having to post all these without mentioning who the person is even though if the person were to read it I'm sure it's pretty obvious who I'm talking about. But yeah, once again people will assume the worst, confront me, and piss me off all over again.
The one of the few fun thing that's keeping me happy and energised daily is being screwed by that person. Screw off.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:57 PM
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Pffft .__. Today's papers were :/
Okay history hmm guess it was impossible for me to get a 4.0 since it was screwed all along because of history PT. So seeing as I was at least able to maintain my EYA score from last year I felt kinda satisfied (: But yeah, overall no 4.0, which was what I got last year :/ Haish for last year and this year I screwed the PT. Guess that's what's been bringing my grades down? Ohwells, at least now I know where I'm weak, and I shall work to improve (: Doesn't matter if I didn't do as well as last year overall, at least I maintained for some components and I shall work harder to improve those that I'm weak in (:
Literature POOF. First essay was alright but the second one was... *cough* And I got the second essay back first so when I was super disappointed o.o But can't say I didn't expect it, since I know really well I can't do lit for nuts sometimes. Hee recently I keep saying 'for nuts' since I heard Nicole Yee saying it all the time xD
Literature POOF. First essay was alright but the second one was... *cough* And I got the second essay back first so when I was super disappointed o.o But can't say I didn't expect it, since I know really well I can't do lit for nuts sometimes. Hee recently I keep saying 'for nuts' since I heard Nicole Yee saying it all the time xD
French *facepalm* deteriorated from last year :/ But haha was quite lucky that I bothered to look through my marks carefully else I wouldn't have spotted an error in the marking xD Zomg for once I didn't almost fail or fail my redaction ;DD And the even better part is that I wrote about my EVER-SO-AWESOME IDOL <3 Hahaha must be my lucky star (Y) Zomg was super high in the room haha was talking with Dom and Alicia about weird stuff and laughing at each other's idols o.o At first I thought Dom had written about Barney but actually she didn't o.o
Whee the post-EYA period is super awesome ;DD For the last 3 days we've been having loads of free time in between activities and we get to slack ahaha awesome right xD But over the next few weeks it's gonna be busier haiz :/
Well yeps that's all, piano lesson soon, and after that I'll go take a nap (Y) Tata~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 5:39 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
In the midst of getting back all my papers. 2 more subjects to go, not including Philo and French.
My dad came back from China today (: His phone call at the airport woke me up from my awesome nap xD
Spent quite a long time at CityLink Mall with Jing Yin trying to figure out where some shop was. It was kinda like a last minute decision since that shop's also in Somerset but yeah hmm was at City Hall when I suddenly remembered it was at CityLink too o.o Turns out it wasn't though, for a really stupid reason .__.
Haha I simply love these 2 little bright shining lights in my life at this moment <3 Okay one is actually not all that good but ohwells if it makes me happy then I'll savour it (:
Zomg feeling really sleepy now despite having taken afternoon naps and sleeping in class during that weird weird research test thingum o.o Must be due to sleeping too much during the break last week xD
Well yeah that's all shall go play or something now, tata~
Zomg feeling really sleepy now despite having taken afternoon naps and sleeping in class during that weird weird research test thingum o.o Must be due to sleeping too much during the break last week xD
Well yeah that's all shall go play or something now, tata~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:35 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
This couldn't wait till later in the day. I just woke up 10 minutes ago overwhelmed with emotions and I simply can't take bottling it all up inside.
But speaking of character, they don't even know me so it won't matter even if I'm a total bitch who just goes there to spite others will it?
I guess I was never used to admitting to myself or anyone that I felt alone or left out, and perhaps another reason for this is that I haven't felt that way in a long time. Or even if I had before, it wasn't so severe.
But in this certain place now,
I don't think I ever felt this left out.
At the beginning of last year I didn't really have any friends considering I went to a new school and somehow refused to have a clique since I wanted a bonded class but in the end that was a mistake as everyone found their own cliques and I was one huge step behind. But after that two people welcomed me, and yeah, I was happy then (: In rgco for a point of time I thought the seniors were aloof and that some of my batchmates were filled with animosity towards me, but that all changed with 2 people (: I guess I've changed close friends many times over the years, and that's usually because our outlooks in life are just so different.
In these two scenarios, I didn't have to make the first step, or even if I did, I simply lifted my foot, and others came to support me when I was on the verge on stumbling and they helped me through my first step and guided me through an even longer journey.
I keep wondering why on earth I putting so much effort into that place mentioned above. Yesterday I barely ate anything since the morning (yes I missed lunch and breakfast .__.) and still went there only to be greeted with an apathetic welcome. Subsequently I didn't even leave together with them, and in the end I barely spoke 10 words to them, whereas they barely spoke 5 words to me. I mean of course some people were friendly and I really appreciate it, but the others...
Since when have I been the one to make the first step? I never ever took the initiative to do anything.
And yes, that's probably a huge flaw in my character.
But speaking of character, they don't even know me so it won't matter even if I'm a total bitch who just goes there to spite others will it?
Gek Yee was asking me how I felt about it being my last session for this year while we were walking to the MRT station after MTDC. I responded that I was upset and felt guilty not going that frequently for this semester since I had to accommodate MTDC, which is compulsory in case some people haven't realised. Jing Yin asked me countless times over the weeks why I kept going there to torture myself.
Yeah, that's a really good question. Why on earth am I constantly making myself suffer there?
I guess it's because I care and I wanna make an effort to get to know everyone and at least make up for whatever I missed out on while I was away. But the people there don't even know what I'm going through and they probably think I decided to abandon them like this other person did.
Great, just great. If only I had been more open with them, worn my heart out on my sleeves and made a great moving speech on me having to disappear for one semester because of commitments I couldn't get myself out of and not because I'm the moron they perceive me as. Yeah, as if that'll have gotten me a motivational speech.
Kept talking to my brother about this for the past few weeks. He says I antagonise them and from their perspectives I'm the one being anti-social. I guess I kinda agree, since there's no point for them to leave their comfort zone and join the loner I am since they already have their own friends.
Pfft my absence really screwed my friendship with them.
He spent like half the train ride 'chiding' me for my attitude towards gift. Lately I'm getting exasperated at constantly being told everything's my fault. No matter how much I try to get to know them (which I admit is a minuscule effort), I'd be lying if I said it was close to success. And that's what he keeps telling me to do, talk to them. But with those hostile waves the tigers are sending out, which deer would be foolish enough to willingly be their prey? He just doesn't understand me, it's not that easy and I'm sick of hearing that it's all my fault that things are terrible for me now.
And this brings me back to my previous point. I simply never take the first step. And looking at how things are now, there's zero possibility of anyone taking that first step for me anymore.
Camp.
Last December I felt excited upon hearing this word. I've a really strong feeling I intentionally screwed up my competition since I wanted to go for it. Extreme huh.
Last June I once again felt excited though a tinge of dread was there due to some complications here and there.
Now I feel apprehension, dread and nervousness when I think of it. It' exactly 2 months from today. Obviously, I can choose to go or not to go. And if I choose to go, there'd be 2 scenarios. Firstly, I'd get ignored as I already am, except it'll be worse since I have to STAY there. (Actually I can just pack my bags and leave but that's simply to ridiculous. Or I can hurt myself somehow I find a way to leave or at least be excused from activities which would leave me alone or something, but all these are simply too ridiculous and extreme so let's leave it out) Second, maybe some friendly person will turn the tables and make things awesome again.
Was reading a post a couple of months ago. Some of the gifters and I went to some outdoor place outside JP and ate macs and cake to celebrate some people's birthdays. All the positive energy emitted from that post made me feel (gosh I just erupted in tears) all torn up that things kinda suck now. What on earth did I do to make things the total opposite of how it was last time? I mean, perhaps the situation didn't change, but I did, and even then, WHAT was that thing that made me different?
I think I've a really strong idea of what it was, but it's simply too selfish of me to attribute it to these 2 people and this one event so let's save that for my monologue in my bed tonight before I sleep and hopefully no one comes in and thinks I've gone bonkers.
Someone said something a few days ago about the place and about something he didn't agree with. Guess he may not know the situation now so he won't understand but I do. Still, even then I can't deny there's a lot behind what he said and I guess I agree more with him.
I can't tell this to my family. My brother will simply scold me or something and my parents will probably drag me out of it if they find that I'm simply too upset there.
Never felt so alone before.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:07 AM
Open Up
"People won't open a closed book,
What I consumed from morning to 8pm when I reached the MRT station:
They would read a book opened for them."
Oh screw it, it's not like even if I opened the book up to the most interesting page they'd bother to read it .__.
Or is this just me simply reverting back to the pessimistic self I was hmm last December?
Perhaps, but it's not relevant is it?
-------------------------------------------
Haish morning was awesome ;DD though me and Jing Yin happily forgot about breakfast since we bought a cake to celebrate ___ but we never ate it in the end except for a small tiny slice o.o Ahaha wells so missed lunch as always and went straight to MTDC due to time constraints .__. After that rushed to gift after getting a subway cookie.
What I consumed from morning to 8pm when I reached the MRT station:
1. Orange juice
2. Thin slice of cake
3. 1 subway cookie
Honestly I should start taking better care of myself. I'd probably fall sick in no time at this rate.
Sometimes I think I'm putting in too much effort in something that is simply a waste of my efforts pfft .__.
Well on a happy note before going to gift I bumped into my NAFA theory teacher at the elevator and she remembers me and even my name despite us not seeing each other since end of 2009 ;DD Awesome haha I remember how quickly she managed to help me pass my exam (:
Well it's late already so nights (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 12:20 AM
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Zomg today xD
Went for breakfast with Jing Yin at macs in the morning, then went for obs check-up. Okay it was to last for close to an hour, or so we thought, since in the end it lasted barely 5 minutes o.o After that walked to Far East and drank bubble tea, then moved on to Ion and subsequently Plaza Sing.
And the highlight was:
Spending 30 minutes trying to find a washroom in Ion.
Yes, this is unequivocally me and Jing Yin xD
This is how awesome life is after exams (Y)
Zomg simple awesome <3
Well yeah that's all (: Tomorrow's one more day of slacking (: Tralala tata~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:44 PM
Friday, October 7, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Things are starting to pick up (:
Zomg it's been ages since I last blogged O: Guess that's the problem when one gets too busy with exams .__.
History paper today was kinda screwed for me since I forgot one of the skills and did it wrongly o.o and my history textbook had been rotting in my locker since forever so yeah, haha I had to rely on my own notes which were close to empty o.o Shan't say 'just my luck' or whatever, since I accept it's my fault :/
Pfft one last paper to go (:
Except that 'one last paper' is probably gonna be a killer O:
SL tomorrow. kidsREAD's getting awesomer and awesomer ;DD Really keen on continuing next year (:
Missing rgco (:
I mean, I can't deny going home early on Fridays and Tuesdays is fun but zomg I miss pracs O: Seeing the entire orchestra together and laughing and smiling, occasional crying... Haha those memories I'll hold dear when I'm an 80 year old woman reminiscing over the days when she was younger and full of smiles <3
I mean, I can't deny going home early on Fridays and Tuesdays is fun but zomg I miss pracs O: Seeing the entire orchestra together and laughing and smiling, occasional crying... Haha those memories I'll hold dear when I'm an 80 year old woman reminiscing over the days when she was younger and full of smiles <3
BUT
Dreading the continuation of ____. Poof shan't think about it, it'll ruin my mood .__.
Was crying buckets of tears when I was watching several videos on ______ just now. Zomg so so so touching that's one person who's really remarkable and worth respecting (:
Well yeah guess that's all (: tralalala tata~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 8:02 PM
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Feel so tempted to start ranting about someone but guess I wont.
Pfft, getting increasingly annoyed by her.
My grades are kinda at stake since I've been spending all my free time doing something else (not studying) xD AHAHA to this day (it's been one month and 3 days since it started) I still can't believe I've gotten addicted to it xD It's awesome in the sense that it keeps me happy and optimistic but, yeah, my results .__.
Well yeah, hmm that's all (:
HWAITING <3
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 2:30 PM