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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
smo 2011 today .__.
after that lunched with cheryl at plaza sing haha awesome long time haven't gone out with friends just for the fun of it xD zomg if i didn't have piano i think i would've gone to watch a movie xD so lunched, then walked around, got a belated birthday present for a certain (special awesome wonderful)x1000 someone who's birthday was in mid-may (:
mrted home. fell asleep waiting for piano teacher to come. and SHE NEVER CAME :X zomg okay maybe she went overseas and i forgot or she didn't tell me or whatever but never mind haha xD so i fell asleep at 3.45 then woke up at 5+ and when i saw the clock i started panicking .__.
dinner now haha ciao~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 7:36 PM
Monday, May 30, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
tossing and turning after waking up and realising everything is in shambles.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 6:06 PM
self esteem
noun. confidence in one's own worth of abilities; self respect.
oh my goodness can people quit degrading me? i know it was unintentional done but still... haish :/
found out something super interesting in pipa lesson ytd zomg haha ;DD when my teacher told me that, suddenly everything seemed clearer and a lot of things that happened during the audition on saturday didn't seem as puzzling xD
cant wait to tell some people about it (:
first day of hols! ;DD awesomeee~ except for the fact that i'm now freakishly bored pfft :/ oh wells being bored is still better than doing homework xD
anws shall go find something to do now, tata xD
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 1:40 PM
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
zomg jane austen = awesome ;DD
cant believe an author could craft such an awesome social commentary and also include characters who constantly come to happy endings (:
and yet she herself never married the man she loved ):
cant believe an author could craft such an awesome social commentary and also include characters who constantly come to happy endings (:
and yet she herself never married the man she loved ):
zomg watched a few jane austen movies last night and today after tuition ;DD awesomeee ;DD
my brother left for switzerland yesterday :/ 10 days of solitude :/
hmm yep update some other time (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 5:42 PM
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
before i start ranting on random crap let me just say that the week is up so i can talk about my feelings towards stuff and start pouting, whining and complaining again.
now co seems to be the one thing that cheers me up somehow, it's kinda replaced ____ i guess, since i really have no idea how to feel towards it. sometimes i get angry when i think of it, and sometimes i think it's fun. last week my brother spoke to me about it and i kinda understood why things have been so screwed up for me the last few weeks. wait, cancel that, it had been going on since i first stepped foot there but i was just to ignorant to notice anything. after he said that i felt loads better, but then everything small little things relating to _______ happen, i suddenly feel so much angrier. so awesome (yeah right).
missed qinggongyan yesterday cos of tuition pfft. wasted .__. wanted to go but
1. i didnt know it was to be held yesterday until on thursday.
2. i had tuition.
blasting music in my ears somehow seem to be the best cure for anger and frustration for me. i should expand the variety of the music in my computer and include my brother's songs, which involve a lot of screaming and yelling. hmm. well i heard it relieves stress or something.
well then let me just continue listening to music and block out all the crap going on now, byebyes.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 11:17 AM
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
sports fest today! 207 was AWESOMEEEEE ;DD
tuition afterwards zomg was so sleepy the entire time O: hope i have enough energy for the auditions tmrw :/
somehow ended up volunteering for some WELLs stuff next thurs zomg never mind i think it'll be fun ;DD
LAST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOL ;DD
but school still ends with loads of homework pfft .__.
anws yep so that's all ba, tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:28 PM
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
zomg can't believe i forgot to blog ytd O:
yesterday!
rock climbing was super duper awesome ;DD zomg climb climb climb hee xD
french was super slack ;DD went to the library (i slept there heh xD) then it was break. after break watched this ridiculously funny french movie ;DD and after that there was still some time so we listened to french music and part of poto (gek yee sanged xD) while i was doing maths hw heh, forgot to bring home my file so had to borrow kavya's and still finish it before french ended :b
today!
went to singapore art museum today for art class. zomg okay creepy the second floor was super scary and had loads of violent exhibitions :X the 3rd floor was kinda weird too but then there was this exhibition with sphere like cushions so we all jumped on it xD first floor seemed the best hmm (:
went to play corner with jingyin and huiqing since we got kicked out of our d-block classrooms for spm pfft .__. hee attempted to play hey soul sister on the guitar xD played uno but it was NEVER-ENDING xD zomg idk how come we played for like 15 minutes and still no winner! O: after that prac at j-block (pfft we got kicked out of e-block too) and clara told me i got nominated for some music thingy which name i have yet to remember, so let's call it meetee for fun xD i told them i don't mind going for auditions but then IF i get in, i'll have to commit a lot and pracs may even fall on saturday :/ if it's in the morning then my sl project is screwed, but if in afternoon then idk what to do about gift :/ haiz why does everything fall on saturday :/ oh and auditions are this saturday, wow i was notified so early *sarcasm* but actually everyone only knew about it recently so it couldn't be helped ba :/ can't decide what song to play, we're only supposed to play 16-24 bars but still idk zomg :X and there's sightreading too pfft .__.
sports fest tmrw! zomg idk how come but me and a few others got chosen to run for 207 O: and some more i had volunteered to help out already pfft. anws then i'll just tell them tmrw.
yep so that's all, tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 6:46 PM
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
zomg such a headache doing maths .__. stupid stupid assignment idk how to do that question zomg O: last year maths used to be such fun but this year it's HORROR :X
arts fest rehearsal today. stayed to watch other performing arts ccas perform ;DD
went home and was super tired zomg. on the bus i slept like the entire way O: reached home and plonked on the bed but somehow couldn't sleep so now i'm tryna do maths hee xD
anws yep that's all, so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 7:31 PM
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
haha met up with cheryl hsien, cedric and ben aw to discuss reunion plans ;DD marc couldnt make it because he was sleepy pfft .__. reached early so waited for the rest. and while waiting i saw jiamin! ;DD zomg awesome or awesome! ;DD havent seen her in ages! ;DD haha so caught up with her and i just realised how well she's doing in school now zomg awesome to know she's happy now ;DD
nothing much happened in school today ba. zomg maths aa group discussion was super headaching O: it went something like, "WHAT TO DOOO?!" followed by someone else's "can we just do this over the june holidays?" ahaha xD sip was stressful too, i just threw away my super interesting chocolate topic for one that involves oranges. zomg i feel like i'm wasting food and i know i am :X
arts fest rehearsal tomorrow zomg O: lucky don't need to cancel piano since ms wee can't make it anyways :b anws yep that's all for today, so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 6:27 PM
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
i'm a terrible person i know :/
i won't complain today. for this entire week i won't talk about anything i feel towards family, gift, cca and classmates. i know some people are obviously out there saying i probably won't be able to do that and by tomorrow i'll be whining again, but i don't care.
"i have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. some come from ahead and some come from behind. but i've bought a big bat. i'm all ready you see. now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" ---Dr. Seuss
life is like an onion, there are many layers and you have to cut through all of them. once in a while you may cut the onion badly and injure your hand. it'll bleed afresh and the pain will be excruciating, and maybe the scars will remain. but after that, you learn which is a bad way to cut an onion. sometimes you cry, but it's worth it. because in the end, you get good food right?
idk how come i suddenly thought of this. but i know my life really isn't an onion. it's not all perfect and in the first place i don't even like onions. i think it tastes horrible. but if you put it with fish it makes it more delicious. i want to be like that. i want to be put with a fish and help it. but maybe i'm just too spoilt and insensitive to do that. if my essence of being has brought a frown to have appeared on anyone's face, then i'm sorry, i know i cant be perfect.
pipa was okay. i think i'm gonna do real badly for my masterclass :/ tuition was alright. stayed back a bit after my lesson and had an awesome time laughing with ashleigh ;DD FUNNY. hope can go out with her, jia min, wan qing and lynn during the hols too ;DD
walked home. spoke to cheryl hsien on the phone for most of the time (: we agreed that it felt so weird talking to each other after not meeting up for 6 months xD zomg i just miss 6i people so much (:
positive thinking, positive thinking. willie nelson: "once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."
(:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 4:50 PM
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
oh my goodness i hate it whenever _______. it just causes all these unnecessary problems and now i'm really worried about something. i remember feeling so hurt after 2 people said something to me, and then they smiled to hide the sting of her words. and i was really so upset that i walked a couple of rounds around the school track with someone while i blinked back tears and she tried to cheer me up. and then when i went home i just cried and poured out everything i felt and others could do naught but watch me helplessly. but that was last year. i thought it would change this year, especially since everything seemed to go so smoothly.
but i was wrong.
what's the point of letting such petty things ruin a good relationship? 10 years down the road will you still care about a few sheets of paper? it's just not worth it. everyone wants to bring good memories with them through their lives but how do they expect to do that if they don't forge the memories, but instead of spending time doing such ridiculous and worthless things. it's really nauseating knowing all these :/
anyways i should cheer up and not let these hinder me from doing what i want.
the past few days i admit i've seriously become a complain queen/whiner, and what i feel the most ashamed of is that i actually personally feel that some of these complains/whines are unfounded and are built on nothingness :/
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:36 PM
open house = awesome ;DD
helped out with ushering for some science competition stuff in the morning. at first it was kinda sian but after a while it became fun ;DD after that helped out in the co booth and stuff, and then it was performance! but it was raining pfft so then the sec 2s got cut :/ but anyways we still cheered for rgco ;DD
after that ate lunch with a few co-ers ;DD and then me and clara were about to leave but we ended up joining a few others to just talk random stuff xD afterwards me, clara and sicheng left and i ended up watching them eat pancakes and drink milk tea xD mrted home with clara after that heh FUNNN ;DD
this has been building up in me for a while already but now i really feel as though i'm an outcast. when it was ___ nobody cared but now that it's ____ everyone suddenly bothered so much :/ and something happened that really made me feel just so unappreciated, as though all the effort i put into something has just gone to waste simply because some people don't bother to notice it. okay i know complaining doesn't solve anything so i guess the best thing to do now is to accept it :/ (fyi this is not about co)
anws yep shall take a nap now or just rest and watch tv, so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 5:52 PM
Friday, May 20, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
FUN ;DD
haha at first was super sian since i was really sleepy and stuff. geog was fun and informative, and maths was weird o.o haha me, hwi soo and xue qi were super sway, our laptop kept hanging zomg O: then always press wrongly or something then kept redoing :X after maths we went to verify our scores for mye, i didn't get as badly as i expected, but still kinda disappointed, though relieved :/
open house prep! ;DD
was in the co classroom then went upstairs to get my bag but then got a really bad stomachache so stoned in 207 classroom for a while and was sweating real bad since i couldnt stand the cold and needed a warm environment somehow o.o then when it got better went back to co classroom to get stickers and brought it back to 207 classroom to design it (zomg the word 'classroom' is repeated a billion times here). tan qi and ningjing were in class haha FUNNNN ;DD then hannah and natasha came too ;DD anws when i finished went back to co classroom.
mass amounts of fun ensued ;DD
but shan't elaborate, 那时候的乐趣是非笔墨能形容的 ;DD
speaking of chinese...
zomg my chinese totally pulled down my entire gpa O: never expected my chinese could ever be so screwed :/ if it weren't for chinese and bio my gpa would've been extremely high O:
yep so that's all haha (: was super awesome slacking at home before tuition ;DD well yep, so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 10:05 PM
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
i have no idea why today was such a weird day o.o
had this strong sense of anticipation during chinese today. was feeling super excited. but i've no idea what i was looking forward to o.o
felt restless before art today, kept fidgeting and walking around.
super emo during bio. realised my gpa dropped by so much so didn't have the mood to do anything :/
lunch was awesome with jingyin and hui qing ;DD
felt sian and impatient on my way to my dental appointment. bus took super long to come and my appointment was delayed :/
nervous and wanted to laugh the entire time during dance exam. jessica was smiling a lot too xD
frustrated during co. haha at first we couldn't find the scores for one of the songs so me, yu qing and rachel just randomly tried to play from memory. then freaked out and pretty much wanted to pour everything out of the file. result: the scores were in between 2 tajike scores .__.
awesome going home with hui qing ;DD
emo now that i realised my brother had a bad day ):
look at the many emotions of today xD
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 7:15 PM
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
我突然心血来潮。
so i went to look at the photos i took during the november 6i reunion last year.
it really brought a smile to my lips (:
in the beginning of 2009 i actually felt really sad leaving 5i, and that led to me resenting 6i a lot. so many friends went to other classes, specifically ashleigh and lynn. but wan qing and jia min were in 6i too. in the first few months there were really a lot of problems and i went home wishing i could relive 5i again. but then i have no idea how or why things changed for the better (: till this day i can never stop reminiscing about 6i (5i too, but let's talk about 6i first haha). thinking of the pending 6i reunion is also awesome too (: a chance to finally see the fellow 6i-ers again ;DD but of course, some people have forgotten about 6i already. as much as it pains me to say this, it's inevitable. they move on, and all i can do is accept it no matter how hard it is.
well, the memories still stay right? (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 11:51 PM
i've just realised what a horrible person i am :/
got back bio and geog paper today. geog was alright, but bio was totally screwed :/ i feel like an utter failure now :/
french test was horrible too. i honestly did not understand what the redaction was about. the instructions were in FRENCH zomg how on earth was i supposed to know what to write about?
well eating dinner now, so ttfn pfft .__.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 8:22 PM
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
oh what the heck, i can't keep pretending to be happy.
i suddenly feel strangely left out of something :/ either everyone's alienating me, i've stop trying my best to be involved, or i'm just paranoid. i really don't know now :/ i honestly think a certain someone else has it worse, but somehow that person's just more forgiving and generous and doesn't mind. pfft why must i be such a horrible person?
french mye tmrw :/ i wish i could just concentrate and study it but my mind keeps wondering away from french :/ zomg i hate the way other people keep thinking i mug like mad and that's why i do alright. i'm struggling already, my grades are dropping, especially for the previous control. compared to last year, there's really big drop and i'm super worried about it. and the previous control, i forgot to study since i was chionging through geog revision (stupid biomes i didn't know you were tested) and i somehow did well? and that probably just made some people think i'm a closet mugger.
oh geez, please, i'm not so spiteful and selfish. i don't pretend that i don't study in front of everyone for whatever reason (i honestly can't think of why one would do that? it's tiring pretending all the time isn't it?). and i'm not so result-oriented, else things would pretty much be really difficult all the time, thinking i have to mug my head off else i'd be screwed or whatever.
2.4 tomorrow :/ not looking forward to it.
haha my brother just cheered me up with some really balloon trick thing he did on my balloon dog xD FUNNY! ;DD
anws that's all, so byebyes.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 6:57 PM
i shall be happy today, since it's vesak day (: shoo go away negative emotions!
okay so let's leave out all the unhappy things i've felt and thought of today and move on to something happier (:
6I JUNE '11 REUNIONNN~
zomg excited ttm! okay technically it hasn't been planned yet but it will be and it shall be an awesome success like the previous november one! ;DD i can't believe i still miss everyone so much haha xD was actually supposed to meet the people organising today, but wanted to spend time with family since it's a public holiday haha (: then wanted friday but cheryl has cca :/ not sure whether i have too, then thurs i have cca and dental appointment pfft ._. never mind, WE SHALL FIND A DAY TO MEET UP AND PLAN ;DDD thought of meeting at city hall since all our schools aren't in the east, except for one person's, and zomg he's super quarrelsome O:
zomg can't stop thinking about 6i now ;DD the memories there have been so much awesomer than what's been happening the past few days :/ and thinking of 6i brings me back to 5i ;DD
which reminds me of something hmm...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEIGH! ;DDD
hee she's finally as old as me xD
okay that's all, tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 2:51 PM
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
nowadays what i do all the time is complain and complain about everything. why do i suddenly feel like there's nothing to look forward to and to cheer me up anymore? there used to be a few things, especially one of them, but no, it's changed and now i get angry whenever i think of it, and all these weird feelings start pouring in and i just choose to push it to the back of my mind.
went for vjco concert today. reached there super early, but my brother left his ticket at home so we called rosalyn and had to wait for her to bring it over. then it was the performance. it was freakishly awesome ;DD but due to my bad mood, i'm not really in the mood to talk happy stuff so let's move on.
i'm really feeling down and pissed today. was happy in the afternoon, then i remembered all the stupid stuff in ____ happening lately. now that my service learning project attachment's almost being confirmed (yes i can do admin, even if you think i'm just too darn incapable of doing so), the person in charge called me this afternoon to ask if i could continue till next year. i somehow feel really tempted to leave ____ and join them instead. but i replied them saying i'll consider since i have to make time to ____. i put in so much heart and effort to ____ yet nobody sees it and appreciates it. if that's not enough to them then fine, i'll leave, i'll never be able to please them anyway since my best is not enough. and i keep recalling that day they insulted *******. they may not know it because they didn't bother to notice, but i really felt upset and hurt when they did that.
something happened lately and i really feel betrayed and hurt by it. i know i shouldn't take it too seriously but i just somehow do. if i could, i'd run away from it. i honestly feel like missing a certain event in the june hols, even though i know it'll possibly (yes, just possibly) be fun.
my sip project is screwed. i haven't even come up with a topic yet. i came up with two but i think they're both silly, unfeasible and too complicated. rs project is horror too. my group's really behind so i think we'll have to chiong everything in the june hols. just great, i'm gonna be really busy in the june hols already.
lastly, i found out about something and let me just say what i think of it, even though i obviously have to leave out a few words else it'll be too obvious what i'm referring to. we're not your ______. you make us do all your crap and then you complete disregard us. i don't care if ******** is so generous and giving, i used to be like that but i'm sick of being taken advantage of all the time. quit being a selfish insensitive brat, you're just making things hard for everyone.
what used to be so awesome has fallen apart all of a sudden, and somehow i feel like it's all my fault.
anyways that's all. let me go relieve my anger a bit so ttfn.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 11:36 PM
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
i feel super pissed with 5 people, and each for a different reason. sometimes i really need to know how speak up for myself and tell others what i think of them. but i don't. and who suffers the most?
me.
i should start thinking of myself more. i'm sick of letting others trample all over me without even realising what they're doing is making causing the misery of another. i wish they were all more people-centered. but no, all that's in that empty head of theirs is occupied by their sick little world.
and i can't believe i was forgotten in somebody's pursuit of other things.
moving on to happier stuff (:
today was sian pfft. pipa, then lunched with my brother and my dad (mom's overseas, returning today! ;DD), after that went for tuition. ashleigh's funny and awesome and usual ;DD
anws yep that's all i nidda do some stuff now so tata (:
i really need a 6i reunion ;DD
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 4:54 PM
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
this feeling sucks :/ it feels just like december and january except things are more complicated. and for some reason i dont feel like crying as much as i did then. i feel as though i'm intentionally trying to make myself not care about anything, but even then i'm still failing, just like i seem to do for almost everything else.
four issues going on now.
i dont care if i have a report card that shows i didn't fail in any subject or anything. it won't matter if i go out into the world with nothing to do with my life, and it'll matter even less if i just wonder around listlessly with nothing to do. i feel like i cant even decide the simplest things nowadays. even in games - hit the blue button or the purple button or whatever, i just cant figure it out. when it comes to reality it's even worse. i've let so many good opportunities slip by my fingers, with my just regretting afterwards. and i'm becoming more of a pessimist, i keep thinking things are just gonna fail someday.
i feel like the one thing i care about the most is just falling apart. i feel replaced and unappreciated at the same time. everytime i try to help, i just make things worse. and now i feel like i'm gradually being replaced by other people. i no longer stand where i used to here. i honestly feel like i'm being demoted all the way to the bottom, where nobody can see me and nobody even cares.
i'm super super super worried for ____. i'm worried for her safety, her wellbeing and all. it sucks knowing what's going on and feeling unable to do anything, and any ideas i have are just unfeasible because i'm, plainly put, an naive and rash person. i really feel like pouring everything out here but it's personal, so i can't really mention much on it.
something used to be the one thing i looked forward to all the time, but now it's turning into a horrible place. it's fun when i'm there, but then since _____, everytime it ends, i just go home feeling like a horrible failure and unappreciated too. i really used to look forward to it all the time but now i try so hard just to push my feelings towards it to the back of my head. i don't want to think about it. each time i do, i just feel like crying and i'm sick of doing that all the time now. everything's changing, and there's nothing i can do about it.
i just end up bottling all my feelings. i can't possibly talk to anyone about it, they wont understand the seriousness of any of it. they wont understand how i feel, and i dont want to trouble anyone. i just realised that i dont think that there's anyone who knows me anymore, no one i can pour everything out to. everything i once had has changed, and i know change is inevitable. everything has become more complicated than before, and i feel like a tiny speck in this entire labyrinth of problems, trying to find a way around it.
if i could, i'd be strong enough to solve everything. but i just can't.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 10:26 PM
zomg today was fun and tiring ;DD went to gift and afterwards helped out at the biennale event my brother coordinated ;DD
gift was awesome ;DD the children were hyper and the "3 big bosses" all came xD except i kinda got told off by jack for hyping them up too much or something :/ anws other than that error of mine it was probably perfect ;DD
the biennale was awesome too ;DD at first it was kinda sian, since i thought everyone in my group backed out due to the rain, but then i realised that they were all going by car not the bus so then in the end there were quite a few people ;DD zomg and they were all ____ O: scaryyyy :X lunch was sian at first, since the _____ kept daoing me, probably cos i wasnt from their school .__. so i ran to the place where the food were to talk to my brother and jun herng, who so happen to be people that dont dao me xD oh and then i was grouped with my brother, jun herng and jeremy, pei woon came a bit later too ;DD FUN. they were all super EPIC ;DD and our guide was awesome too, so that made the exhibitions fun ;DD haha everything seemed super awesome then ;DD
zomg i didnt know art was so awesome ;DD
poof pipa and everything else tmrw. masterclass is coming up and i cant get out of it like i did for the last one .__.
didnt blog ytd cos blogger was down .__.
oh yeah got back chinese and lit ytd :X chinese - SCREWED i feel emo now :/ lit was okay though :/
prac was fun ahaha xD though at first i thought i was the only pipa then i went, oh no this is gonna be screwed and lonely but then yu qing popped up ;DD hmm then still it was kinda screwed but never mind we'll improve xD
now listening to vjcco's syf piece. my brother's complaining that they deserved more than silver hmm.
ah zomg me sleepy now shall stop typing so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 5:40 PM
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
haha first co prac after syf! ;DD
felt so weird doing the usual routine of putting my bags in class, walking down one story with section mates to go to the storeroom and along the way bumping into a dozen other co members and saying hi to them (:
ahh it's good to be back ;DD
so pracced the song for open house over and over again hee (: then talked to the new pipas too! i'd say juniors but one of them is a sec 3, shes a scholar from china haha xD maths ra too zomg she and yu qing are super pro O: anyways but there's one sec 1 who's really awesome too ahaha ;DD
felt so weird to end prac at 4.30 zomg O: so early ahaha xD
okay rewind let's go back to what happened before prac :b
art was epic. i was working on my painting and it was HORROR. it looked nothing like the original piece. zomg the stupid path why must you be so yellow yet so pale, and WHY must you have shadows and lines all over :X anws so it was totally terrible and i kept repainting parts of the painting to improve on it. and then the teacher looked over and went - wow that's beautiful it's really beautiful. pfft probably saying that to make me feel better .__. i now have low self-esteem.
bio was fun ahaha xD watched house again ;DD but then now we're starting on science investigation and pfft i already have to come up with some weird topic to research on .__.
lunch break = AWESOME ;DD laughed like mad with jingyin and huiqing as usual xD
okay so that's all ba, tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 7:15 PM
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
this is plain stupid. every small little single thing, no matter how it starts, is just my fault here. i mean please, with this stupid ridiculous rationale, i'm probably the sole cause of global warming and all the poverty and sadness in this world is probably my fault. what logic.
and you, stop acting like you didn't do anything. stop pretending you're some perfect little angel. it sucks being around you sometimes, i don't care what people say but we're definitely not as close as before so stop putting on a mask and making it seem like i'm more, or even just as, important than everything else in this world. i'm just someone you throw all your trash to, meaning you only come to me when there's no one else. one day i won't even be there anymore and i don't care how you'll feel about it. after all, it's not my problem since i've never been part of your oh-so-perfect life.
good days are forever screwed at night.
can i just run away sometime? i don't mean really running away from everything but sometimes i just feel like a need a break from all the crap going on. i wanna just walk away and listen to the silence of the night, enjoy the beautiful shine of the stars, and breathe in the freshness of the air.
i'll always be your lousy shadow. i'm not good enough and never will be. but it's about time you learnt that and accepted it. i won't change myself to become like others or to please you, stop thinking i will. you always assumed it's my fault. come to think of it, since when did you say it was someone else's? i get angry because of something, it's my fault for having such a temperamental nature and not the other person who just chose to piss me off. i spill water, i probably have spasms or something. i don't do well, it's me who didn't study hard enough. yes thank you, i'm used to thinking i'm rubbish at everything.
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bio exam was crappy, but probably not as bad as maths :/ MATHS WHY? zomg last year maths was super fun and interesting but this year it's plain rubbish. and my sciences have never been good either. oh this is so wonderful .__.
hmm well today was boring so that's all, byes.
oh what the heck i just realised i'm cancelling something i really want to go to for someone who totally doesn't appreciate me. i'm still having doubts confirming that i can't go for that trip. i know i'll end up cancelling but still, there's always that hope :/ why on earth do i always put others above me even if they're just too blind to see that.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 8:44 PM
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
mugging for bio today was such a success.
i hope you can sense the sarcasm here (:
zomg okay i'm currently feeling really unprepared and worried for bio O: last 2 hours of today, i better use it wisely :X i shall sleep at 11 like i usually do (except for the past few days it's 12-1 hmm :/) pfft was so tired in school today. me and hwi soo were constantly super tempted to just lay our heads down on the table and sleep. but of course i didnt ahaha xD hwi soo did though :b
bio bio bio zomg exam exam i cant stop thinking about it, what with the notes i have laid around me that were somehow left untouched due to my constant digression and short attention span. and technology is so awesome, i'm seriously too distracted :/
french tomorrow, exam is next week. zomg just when i thought i could slack after bio exam i actually have to study for french - that is if i actually study, chances are low though, since i'll probably not be in the mood to study after bio xD
went home with chi wen today. zomg i've been going home with her for the past few weeks, even months, and then i actually see a different side of her ;DD i used to think she was super quiet but now actually she's really talkative xD hwi soo too, i thought she was all serious and no joke at all but sitting next to her has been amusing ;DD haha zomg i love my group now ;DD the lucky draw seems to have worked out really well for the 6 of us (:
june hols are coming soon (: so many things to look forward to ;DD hope i can go for the family gathering ahaha xD hmm i kinda forgot where it's gonna be held this year hmm... haha (: oh there's probably gift camp too ;DD and of course, not to forget slacking ;DD provided assignments dont start rolling in and ruining the pure bliss of the holidays (:
and co prac is starting this week! it feels kinda exciting and new but even then i can't help feeling a bit sad that my thursdays and fridays are gonna be taken up again. but oh wells, it's worth it (: me and gek yee came up with this ridiculous idea today - tanbo initiation! the idea is that every new member to tanbo (starting with this year's sec 1s) should have to ride in those rides for children in the shopping malls xD muahahahahahaha xD okay it's ridiculous of course we aren't going to implement it. for now.... xD
anyways that's all, dinner now haha (: ciao~
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 8:34 PM
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
STOP BLAMING ME FOR EVERYTHING OKAY.
i'm pissed like hell now and i'm not in the mood to smile at you or think happy thoughts. stop forcing me to do 48172501987351 AT THE SAME TIME okay. i'm doing your crap now and what? you want me to do a dozen more crap?! and then you pretend i'm obliged to do so and use my conscience against me.
I'M NOT YOUR FREAKING PUPPET OKAY. i'm sick of just sitting still here having you take advantage of me EVERY SINGLE TIME.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:06 PM
oh my goodness please don't make it sound like human nature has no flaws and that things like selfishness and greed doesn't come it. oh and don't let me forget self denial.
like please, don't tell me that i'm still young, i have time or whatever crap, because pretty much everything is set already, considering several factors that will affect my future forever.
so don't bother trying to comfort me telling me i can catch up, i can improve or whatever. what makes you so sure i will, only i have the right to decide and looking at the condition of things now, the chances are slim unless i get a rocket launcher and launch myself into the sky.
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i'm so sick of people requesting me for help and stuff when they only do that when they need me for something. once i'm no longer needed for assistance, poof, in the trash bag i go. everyone forgets me and focuses their attention on the person who asked for help and even the person i helped just doesn't recall my existence.
simply put, i'm always a doormat.
helping others, group work, personal stuff. i usually put others above me. maybe sometimes i get selfish a bit and want to do stuff for myself, it never ever ends well so i've pretty much cured that habit except for certain cases which i just don't believe my help is going to be of much assistance to the other person. anyways, what happens after all this is that i just get trampled over without even me realising until after the entire issue has passed.
ridiculous right?
well that's just me.
and unfortunately for me, i don't have anyone to stand up for me.
it's just that long and stupid cycle recurring over and over again. i could always just refuse, but then i feel bad doing that. but on the other hand, does the other person actually know how i feel? wait, no, the person never saw me under the success of the issue. i'm treated like just agony aunt who everyone so happens to think has the solution to every problem. and this just results in two scenarios. 1 - i screw up, and everyone hates me. 2 - it works out, and nobody appreciates it. it sucks feeling unappreciated and knowing that everything you did has come to nothing. i may have slaved over something and nobody knew i did that simply because of their insensitivity and ignorance.
can these people even be called human?
sadly, they can, because that's just part of our flaws that are supposedly forgivable.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 8:08 PM
zomg today was tiring O:
had to rushed to tj since me and my brother left home late :/ then really ran to catch both the sbs bus and the bus bringing us from tj to oka. zomg we shouldve just gone to oka straight from home since it was nearer but had to put something in the shutter so...
pfft.
anws oka was more interesting today since i actually tried to take note and understand the works. but then only spoke to my brother and yao nian so it was kinda lonely hmm. didnt feel sociable today xD oh and it was burning hot zomg i felt so stupid wearing jeans. but anws at least i saved myself from sunburns xD hmm okay so after the tour went to toast box for lunch haha xD went to look at other exhibitions after that too. zomg seriously it's loads more interesting and fun once i put in 100% effort haha (:
i'm nervous for next sat - for 2 reasons which i shant state here thou :X
pipa masterclass on 29 may. quick i better go book a flight overseas to miss it ahaha xD
really sleepy now i havent taken my afternoon nap yet haha okays so that's all (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 5:27 PM
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
i cant believe i'm actually staying up late to watch the general elections results O: zomg and i have pipa tmrw pfft lucky i took many afternoon naps today xD
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 12:40 AM
zomg watching the general elections results now - NERVOUS O:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 12:00 AM
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
i just wanna punch myself and press "ctrl + z" on my life. i just pretty much screwed everything up all because i couldnt shut my big mouth and keep my problems to myself which caused someone to try to solve it and end up getting hurt too.
why am i so tactless?
today started so awesome since i was woken up by a super duper awesome sms from someone, then instead of snoozing for another 30 more minutes i woke up immediately because i was just that happy. then i slacked a bit before deciding - mugger mode: switched on. and of course i digressed again and started daydreaming. and then poof... downhill.
i wanna just pick up my phone and sms people totally not involved so that i have something to take my mind off things. but nah i won't disturb others, they probably have better things to do :/
but ohwells music's always a great source of entertainment right? lemme do what nicole advised me to do in her syf note to me - pick up my pipa and play emo songs on it. zomg i actually think that's really good advice.
oh man now i suddenly miss co even more than usual. prac starts this week thou ;DD
but there's bio exam too .__.
pfft never mind. then after bio exam i'm going to the art room to finish my art piece with naseema and jingyin (:
anws ttfn.
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 12:38 PM
Friday, May 6, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
hello zomg was super tired today ahaha xD
went to plaza sing for lunch with clarissa and gek yee ;DD zomg then after lunch clarissa lent gek yee $1 to ride on those children's rides xD AHAHA epic cant believe gek yee really did that. then when the seat started moving gek yee was like "oh my gosh what's happening O:" xD
went home
nap time! ;DD
tuition pfft .__.
tuition pfft .__.
home (:
yep that's all, dinner now, so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:20 PM
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
let me blog more tmrw cos it's already quite late and my hands are oily from potato chips xD
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 11:16 PM
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
got back french test today - zomg i didnt study much yet i got higher than usual ;DD ahaha that just shows that i shouldnt study right xD
today was tiring yet fun ;DD french was slack, but had oral so pfft .__. i got a really weird passage hmm...
oh and it rained ;DD cooling ahaha xD
i just found out today what topics we're tested for bio. some i didnt even know were tested :X now i really need to switch on mugger mode to mug for those hard core topics :X anws gonna sleep soon so nights (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 10:41 PM
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
i'm super zonked out zomg O:
school first, then i slept kinda late last night so pfft... anyways, it was napfa and hmm i think i did as well as last year ba (: except most of the time i was like okay get B can already i cant be bothered to get A since it makes no difference xD
or you could argue that i was just too lazy xD
anyways after that went for dinner and choir concert with jingyin, jovin, vernice and enkyi ;DD FUN TTM ;DD zomg dinner was fun since we talked about loads of stuff, and the concert was awesome too bcos the songs and singing were just awesome (:
anyways, just reached home, and currently i'm really tired but i nidda chiong through french homework pfft .__. french oral tmrw too :X thank goodness it's just reading not conversation else i'd fail miserably :X anws so byebyes (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 10:30 PM
Monday, May 2, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
haha today was slack ;DD
everyone in my family woke up a bit later than usual, so we ended up just skipping breakfast and going for an early lunch too xD then went home, watched tv for like a few hours straight - AWESOME ;DD
and i didnt feel so tired that i had to take an afternoon nap - accomplishment! (:
ahaha okay that's all, so tata (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 7:20 PM
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
pipa at 10.30, and i've just woken up and haven't washed up nor eaten breakfast yet. it's as though i have to remove every single thing related to books to forget about yesterday :/
went out last night and came home at 11 zomg okay was super zonked out and i haven't done any work yet :/ MATHS why so much homework?
anyways nothing else, it's still early ahaha xD byebyes (:
SUCHEN ON TOP OF THE WORLD~ 9:45 AM